clean up and move things out of the way and keep unseen, but miss that for a moment and you are a slob.
get on the computer to apply for jobs, no im just dicking around apparently.
sleep for 8hrs, no apparently thats 24hrs, soo in a comma?
bickering complaining mimicking me, no thats just asking a simple question i can't get upset over.
ask to have breakfast cooked bc im a guest and would make a bigger mess in her eyes, but nooo thats me being lazy and not knowing how to do anything myself.
You ask to pay for yourself, but no she has to do it bc she doesnt want you to spend money but then its just held over your head.
You try to smile and say okay or im sorry, but thats just argueing and pointless attempts to defend oneself.
YOU CAN NOT WIN. YOU CANT TRY. SO YOU GIVE UP.
I'm sorry, im not going to live my life in a way that has to be scheduled around someone 24/7 and have to be absolutely the most fake person. she'll never know me. I'm still the 7year old that didnt pick up her toys and make her bed.
It didnt matter if I was slaving away in college and for portfolio. I will still be the screw up, lazy daughter in these people's eyes.
No room for forgiving, benefit of the doubt, listening. none of that. it's all out the window.
so to get along with her i have to ignore her and have no conversation whatsoever?.. it get so quiet it's depressing.
When do you come to the point where you decide that you have to let relationships end?
I still will only speak when spoken to, and courteously accept invitations to visit..
but.. thats all superficial. I don't like superficial. I rather have none of it at all.
I know i piss people off. I'm 23 years old. I'll make a mistake but I can't be given time to grow up.
They say all I ever spoke about is how I want to be independent and yet still be a kid.
Noooo its not like that... cause YOU NEED TO GIVE PEOPLE TIME.
"I just don't want you to make the same mistake others have made"
Shit happens is all I can say. I'm sorry is all I can say.
STATEMENT: I'll continue to learn from the situations that happen to me even if they somehow shorten my chances for a good future, but I HAVE A LITTLE MORE FAITH IN MYSELF AND MY ABILITY THAN THAT.
I'd love it if my family did to.
I'm going to change. Hell I AM changed. Maybe actually just closed off to some parts.
People say they know everything about me. They dont. I apologize that the moments some see are my struggling times, but is that all people are going to use to judge me over?
Always a face to wear, and if that face is an enjoyable one... then they assume you obviously don't understand your own bad situation and have to be told over and over how you're a screw up.
Do you get it yet?.. That you will never be good enough? That what you have isn't actually anything at all?
That what you love to do is a waste of time? That you must give up who you are to live?
I'm tired of people thinking I'm ungrateful after all the thanks I've given. One day.. there will be a physical, tangible thanks to everyone.
AND WHEN I AM OLD AND SUCCESSFUL NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO SAY ANYTHING OR ASK ANYTHING OF ME THEN.
The debt would be paid and the gratitude already given. Then... nothing. I want nothing. I need nothing. You get...NOTHING.
***SO TILL THEN EVERYBODY WHY DONT YOU JUST GIVE ME THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, sit back... enjoy the show..
1. The person that bought the Korean star locket for $400 has opened a dispute with me over it saying that its been used blah blah blah... trying to get $215 for it... assholes...... This is why I was reluctant to sell... Now $400 of my money is on hold... 2. The past TWO dolls I've ordered were BADLY shipped...... one was shipped IN JUST XMAS PAPER... WTF WHO DOES THAT??? And the other was SHOVED into my rinky-dink mailbox in just A PADDED ENVELOPE... I'm like... SERIOUSLY ARE YOU KIDDING??? And what do you know... the boxes are damaged.
Seriously... I think I'm just about done with ebay AND paypal... Not to mention the guy that bought the Pink Star Locket for $1000 had to give me an extra $50 because of paypal fees ALONE how stupid is that?? Its unfair really.. for both the seller and buyer.
OH! Didnt get to mention the persion I tried to sell the Pink one to after the first flaked, left me negative feedback on serasell when I had to refund her since her echeque was taking forever and someone gave me a better offer and could pay right away. I told her my main concerns were getting the money in time for my rent... So not my problem if they couldnt give me the money in time and what I asked for.. Anyone in my position would have done the same. SHE DIDNT EVEN KNOW ABOUT SERASELL TILL I TOLD HER SO WE COULD HAVE A SAFE PUBLIC TRANSACTION.... WHAT A BITCH. Oh! and bw.. she wanted me to ship to a different address bc she go kicked out of her house... Should you be spending $900, little girl, when you're: a. just got kicked out of your house... 2. obviously not financially independent enough to live on your own to BEGIN with.. and iii. JUST JEALOUS YOU MISSED OUT ON A PINK STAR LOCKET, while I got $1000..
I'm a great, safe, honest seller.... why is it that I end up being treated this way as well as a buyer?... I'm done being walked all over and when it's fucking done by a website that I cant battle, that makes it shitty and unsafe for sellers, that I can't personally contact..... I feel so weak, helpless, and out of control...... I HAVE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH FROM LIVING BREATHING PEOPLE I SEE EVERYDAY... FUCK YOU EBAY.....
Okay..... I think I feel a little better after venting here.... I know you guys would understand best.....
ON A DIFFERENT NOTE... __________________________
I think I'm going crazy... I think it's more than just the usual depression and pessimistic attitude I carry. I could be entirely fine.. good day, no fighting with the BF, good hangout with the Father and the brand new step-mother... AND STILL be on the verge or crying.. I don't get it. It's like... as soon as the music or the movie is paused.. it's a moment of silence that my brain has time to say things to me. Bad unhelpful, negative thoughts. Brandon's really helped me notice it because he had also been diagnosed Schizophrenic/Bipolar. heh... if anything it makes me empathize with my mother... I never understood why she was so sad.. thought it was all the WE channel movies she watched..
Oh.... and I've only slept for about 3 hours tonight. Hence, why I'm posting so late... or posting AT ALL for that matter... I don't think any of you read this tho. Anyway.. I pass out in the living room on our couch all the time.. it's flat, firm.. not like my bed at all.. springs, squishy, unsupportive... so I sleep for a lil... then I wake up and toss and turn... This is recent tho... could be because I'm not medicating as late and eating much later instead... really should stop that.
Although, the two nights before, I had really vivid adventurous dreams. It had been a while since I could remember them.. again, probably because I haven't medicated right before bed and ate in its place.. Oh and after that I take a birth control (Loestren 24 Fe) right before closing my eyes.
Okay... I should pause here... there's so much more I could say right now.. next time.
I'm tired of these crazy service fees, I think I found a better way and I'll need a Yahoo Japan account to do so. I know some of you have them or know how.. help please? All the info I look up is old and I dont know how to put in Roman characters. I have a Japanese address tho. thank you.
Unless I used this app. The LJ iPhone app is alot better than I first downloaded it. Saw it ha been updated so id test it out.
So I'm sure I should be sharing something about myself, but right now I'm just gunna say whatever. I will be keeping this primarily sailor moon associated or pretty personal.
So I had cut my hair and I know a few of you remember my bleach blonde Gaga hair but now... It more of a Hikaru lol. Very short and masculine kinda. Thought I'd help you people out with how to rock the Sailor Uranus cut and even have her swagger while wearin it.. Of course shed wear button downs.. And pants. Keep it feminine so wear a tunic and skinnys or tights. And of course blazerrrrrs. Okay some pics:
Oh n those are my new Stella McCartney sunglasses. Selling my Ray Ban Wayfarers on eBay as we speak. Got a bidder for $40 lol... GOODBYE 2006!